Random Thoughts of Wierdness

I was reading someone elses' post about being a chubby vegan.  She was writing about the fact that people will see her carrying a green smoothie and thinking to themselves, "that girl will try anything!", meaning she will try any kind of crazy diet to lose weight.  She was appalled at the fat shaming that is done by the vegan community to try to convince people to stop eating animal based food.  Here's the link to the article I read.
About a year ago, I wrote something in my journal about the way people watch fat people at restaurants.  I have observed over the years when I was much bigger that people do watch what I'm doing at restaurants, especially at buffet establishments.  I can't say that I know what they are thinking, but I can say from the looks on their faces I can guess, because I found myself thinking the same things when I watched my even-bigger family members at the same restaurant.

"How many plates is that, four?  Has she gone up four times already?"
"Notice she doesn't go anywhere near the salad bar?"
"Honey, put down the Mac and Cheese and step away from the steam tray!"
"No wonder she's all by herself at a booth, she needs the room for all that food!"
"DAYUMN!"

Now, I was pretty convinced I didn't eat nearly as much as the "fat" people in my family.  I might have gone up twice at the buffet and then gotten dessert, but I rarely went up for four plates full of food.  I didn't have to excuse myself to the restroom so I could throw up and then come eat more food. (True - two of my aunts had gastric bypass and did exactly this on Mother's Day a few years back when we all went to a buffet place with my Mom and Grandma.  That Buffet place was NOT my idea.)

Then one day I mentioned something at work about food.  One of my co-workers said, "You are eating all the time. You eat candy and drink full-sugar soda all the time. ALL THE TIME!" Which was, of course, an exaggeration because I didn't drink soda all the time, I drank mostly coffee and tea and once in a while would splurge on a full sugar soda made with cane sugar.  It just happened to be the few times she had lunch with me.  The candy thing may have been true, because some delightful person had placed a couple of candy dishes in key locations where everyone in the office has to pass by them or spend time next to them and what's the harm in a couple of chocolate kisses?

So I was forced to examine my own habits and while she really was exaggerating about my doing it ALL the time (I am Ms. Literal) I was frequently eating and drinking lots of things not exactly good for my waistline or blood sugar.   The other thing this made me aware of is that while I am watching how other people eat (and judging them in my head), other people are watching ME eat (and judging me in their heads).  That's not a pleasant realization.  In fact, it was kind of frightening.  It got to the point where I was convinced people were watching me eat when I was by myself and criticizing me in their heads.

Even if I ate "sensibly", I was convinced people were commenting on it in their heads, "Oh, really?  who do you think you're fooling?  You're probably going to stop at a drive thru and order a sack of cheeseburgers after you leave here!"

And yes, I know how crazy and creepy that sounds.

In reality, I'm not that important.  No one except me and the people I give the information to is keeping tabs on what I eat.  No one is looking at what is on my plate except me, maybe my dinner partner, and the people who prepared the food or carried it out to me.  I can tell you I've fallen a bit off the diet in the last 6 weeks, and I can tell you why it's happened. (I forgot to take my supplements and my body started reminding me that I need to eat more things with B vitamins and fiber in them.)  I haven't "given up" when I've had, say, a piece of bread at one meal.  I don't say "Oh, well, the whole day is shot, guess I'll have three slices of cheesecake!"  I go back to square one as if I hadn't had the piece of bread, and I know it will take some time to work out of my system and be back on track, but I do NOT let it ruin my day or my program.  I am planning on going back for a Booster in June, right after I come back from vacation.  Because I'm not at my goal yet.

Fat Girls (and Guys) aren't the only people who are judged by what they are eating.  Have you ever seen a skinny person eating a hugely fattening item and thought to yourself, "Eat two, you need it!"  Have you ever secretly urged a stick-thin person to have a cookie?  Have you ever wanted to smack a thin person who pinches a little roll on their stomach and bitterly complains about how fat she is in her size 8 pants?

Let's stop this madness.  Let's just enjoy being who we are and let other people enjoy being who they are and let's just stop focusing on the size issue and start focusing on the HEALTH of the people.  The people who, regardless of their size, are out their riding bikes and roller skating and dancing and enjoying the heck out of their time on this planet.